The Style Invitational Week 755 Take Another Whack
Saturday, March 8, 2008; C02
Lusted-after Style Invitational arugula:
What we're considering for an alternative Honorable Mention prize
Back in 2004 -- so far back
that the Empress didn't even have a case of tiara-hair yet -- we ran a contest
asking for Googlewhacks: two-word phrases that produced one and only one Google
hit. Of course, the realm of Google has expanded so enormously in the past four
years that it's going to be a wayyyy tougher challenge (and vastly harder than
last year's Googlenope contest to send in something that didn't get a hit), but
so be it. This week: Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces
exactly one Web page on the Google search engine -- you may either use quotation
marks around the phrase or omit them -- and describe the phrase. You may
disregard those Web pages that consist of nothing but lists of words, though if
one of those produces your Googlewhack, that's fine. Please include, along with
each entry, the address of the Web page where you found the Googlewhack; the
page must be dated earlier than March 7, 2008, so don't go posting your own
phrase and then just happen to find it.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives this double-life-size
inflatable Chihuahua, donated by Loser Russ Taylor and currently sitting guard
on the Empress's desk in the Style section newsroom. Squeeze its leg and it
makes a sound only slightly less horrible than the sound an actual Chihuahua would
make if you squeezed its actual leg.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One
prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com
or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 17. Put "Week
755" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as
spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry.
Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become
the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published April 5.. No purchase required for entry.
Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not
eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's
contest was suggested by Kevin Dopart, who, despite his astonishing 300-plus
inks, didn't start entering the Invitational until Week 626 and didn't know
we'd done this contest in Week 566. The revised title for next week's results
is by Drew Bennett. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Russell Beland.
Report From Week 752, in which we asked for takes on the old "you just might be a . .
." joke form in various categories we supplied. Many parents offered that
you just might be an embarrassment to your child "if you exist."
4. You just might be from
Georgetown . . . if your basketball team can beat up your football team. (Randy
Lee, Burke)
3. You just might need a new
car soon . . . if every 3,000 miles, you change the duct tape. (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)
2. the winner of the J.S.
Bach action figure:
You just might not be an
animal rights enthusiast . . . if you had your dog put down for chewing on your
fur coat. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)
And the Winner of the Inker
You just might not be an
animal rights enthusiast . . . if your favorite animal is "wherever baby
back ribs come from." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
You just might deserve a magnet for . . .
You just might be an embarrassment to
your child . . .
. . . if you insist on taking
your son's temperature with a rectal thermometer, despite his wife's
protestations. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
. . . if you send text messages
letting your daughter's friends know that "she's a woman now." (Jeff
Brechlin)
. . . if you decide to join
in the fun and dress up as a wizard for the school parade -- and it's the Black
History Month parade. (Anne Paris, Arlington)
. . . if on your sonogram,
the fetus makes a "no pictures!" gesture with his hand. (Jay Shuck,
Minneapolis)
. . . if the seat of your
size 3X sweat pants says "Juicy." (Judith Cottrill, New York)
. . . if, when driving your
13-year-old and his girlfriend to the movies, you give them a lecture about
unprotected sex. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
You just might be from Georgetown . . .
. . . if you find yourself
instinctively grabbing a free parking place nowhere near your destination,
because God knows when you'll find another one. And you're in Wichita. (Anne
Paris)
. . . if the only Metro
you've been on was in Paris. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
. . . if the art in your
house is worth more than the house. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
. . . if you have an
orthopedist, an allergist, a urologist, a gastroenterologist and an
ophthalmologist on retainer. And that's for your cat. (Tom Murphy, Bowie)
You just might not be an animal rights
enthusiast . . .
. . . if you consistently
bowl over 200 when using armadillos. (Jeff Brechlin)
. . . if you test all your
cosmetics on your pets anyway. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
. . . if your favorite toy as
a child was a magnifying glass. (Horace LaBadie, Dunnellon, Fla.)
. . . if your parrot will
speak only its name, rank and serial number. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
. . . if you wonder why
anyone would pay more to take a cat to the vet than it costs to buy a new cat.
(David Kleinbard, Jersey City)
You just might have a substance abuse
problem . . .
. . . if Amy Winehouse tells
you to go to rehab. (Pam Sweeney)
. . . if you order the coq au
vin and tell the waiter to hold the coq. (Gregory Dunn, Alexandria, not a First
Offender but last heard from in 1997)
. . . if you go to the altar
railing five times in a row at Mass, wearing various disguises, to partake of
the chalice. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
. . . if each morning you
need some hair of the horse tranquilizer that bit you. (Chuck Smith)
. . . if your chest X-ray
comes out in sepia. (Chuck Smith)
. . . if you believe God gave
you two livers for a purpose. (Jacob Aldridge, Gaythorne, Australia)
. . . if you called in sick
to work three times in one morning. (Kurt Riefner, Fairbanks, Alaska)
You just might need a new car soon . . .
. . . if your
current one is worth less than the bribe you have to pay to get an inspection
sticker. (Chris Doyle, on vacation in Aswan, Egypt)
. . . if it is your father's
Oldsmobile. (Ira Allen)
. . . if your mechanic is
storing part of his CD collection in your glove box. (Mike Pool, Vienna)
. . . if hitting potholes is
the only way to make the headlights come on. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)
. . . if your mechanic has to
use his connections in Havana to get parts. (Jim McClellan, Alexandria; Russ
Taylor, Vienna)
. . . if the panhandlers at
red lights slip dollar bills in your window. (Tom Murphy)
. . . if the OnStar lady
keeps directing you toward a ravine. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
. . . if the fuzzy dice are
the only original parts. The left one, anyway. (Jay Shuck)
. . . if the ashtrays in the
back seat are full. -- P. Hilton, Los Angeles (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Next Week: Hit Us With Your Best Shot, or The F-Stops
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